Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
