I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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