Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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