Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
