It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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