Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
