I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
PANTIES FOUND
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