i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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