Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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