from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
