I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
