apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
