He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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