Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
