he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Rumble strips road head = magical
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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