The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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