you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
