i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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