I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
