Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What a dumb baby whore.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
