dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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