just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
