Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
