If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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