i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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