mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
