so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
