so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
