Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
