I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
PANTIES FOUND
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