apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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