Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
