i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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