you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
