Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
