Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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