Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
