I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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