"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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