Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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