fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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