her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
