Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
