I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
