i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
