What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
