I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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