life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
