I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
