dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
