whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
