when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize