It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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