dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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