I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
