apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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