I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
