He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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