If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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