so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
