Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Panties = found
Randomize