He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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