Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
