I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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