Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
