It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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