I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
