he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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