U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I intend to get homeless drunk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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