The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
